Friday, October 29, 2010


You have to love the silly season and Bill Clinton.

by Brian Watt

Is Bill Clinton now the Dr. Kervorkian of the Obama administration? Do Democrat candidates shudder when he, in the parlance of J.K. Rowling, apparates before them? Just three days from Halloween the news has broken that the former president made early rounds (two or more weeks ago) as the angel of political death by attempting to encourage Kendrick Meek, the rightful winner of the Democrat primary to give up his ghost of chance of beating Republican Marco Rubio for the Florida U.S. Senate seat and quite willingly throw his support to the renegade Republican, now a candidate floating in the nether region of indeterminate political or philosophic principle, one Charlie Crist.

Since the aforementioned, amorphous Crist has admitted that in addition to discussions with Clinton and his fellow ghouls, there were discussions with certain personages who haunt the hallowed halls of the White House even perhaps with He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named (Crist certainly did not name He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named despite repeated attempts by Greta Van Susteren to trick him into doing so Thursday evening).

It is doubtful that Mr. Clinton acted alone since he has also been an emissary for Bara - - uh, He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named before in attempting to sweet talk Joe Sestak to disapparate and make way for the Specter of Pennsylvania (also a renegade Republican). One can speculate on how this transpired, so let’s, shall we?

On a dark and stormy night, He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named asks one of his minions to place a phone call to Mr. Clinton and asks him to convey his message to Mr. Meek. This gives He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named the ability to work from the shadows and well…not be named. Mr. Clinton perhaps begrudgingly obliges because the alternative is to let a charismatic, articulate, young, handsome Hispanic Republican who appears to have kept Americans spellbound in much the same way that a charismatic, articulate, young, handsome John Kennedy did fifty years before – build a formidable political career and someday pose a threat as a potential vice-presidential or even presidential prospect.

Mr. Meek, belying his own name, may have flirted with the notion of stepping aside but apparently mustered up the resolve to finally tell Mr. Clinton, Mr. Crist, and perhaps even He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named and their surrounding spirits to be gone.

So, what does this dark and sinister story tell us about Kendrick Meek, Charlie Crist, Bill Clinton and He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named and Mr. Meek’s followers? How much time do you have? Well, if you’ve been sneaking some Halloween candy and are reading this, up late at night near the witching hour, with a sugar high, then you probably have time.

Let’s begin with the not-so meek Meek. As this story screamed across the Internet as fast as Harry, Ron and Hermione routinely fly through the Floo Network with aid of floo powder, Mr. Meek quickly responded, that despite reports to the contrary, he did not accept an agreement to end his candidacy and one must give the gentlemanly Mr. Meek his due for standing up to America’s First Two Black Presidents. How many of us would have been able to withstand the aura and blinding charisma from these two masters of the political dark arts? Mr. Meek’s dignity and honor remain intact. His political future? Not so much. Never confront powerful wizards such as these unless you have been well-trained in the Defense of the Dark Arts. Even though Mr. Meeks was a Captain in the Florida Highway Patrol and received his degree from Florida A&M it must be said he did not attend Hogwarts…or even Harvard which has a similar reputation for matriculating young gifted men and women, many of whom go on to practice political, economic, and legal witchcraft in the muggle world.

Onto Mr. Crist, the shape shifter. This is a hapless, pathetic and gaunt shell of a man who has sold his soul for the chance of infusing his waning years with renewed political power. This desperate dementor spends his time attempting to latch onto other more prominent politicians as they pass near him in a vain effort to live one more day on their political life force. He appears to embrace a policy or viewpoint one day only to embrace the opposite policy or viewpoint the next. His deception no longer works. He will fade away with the dawn of a new political era.

Bill Clinton is a bumptious bellowing howler that goes bump in the night. He’s a spirit of the political realm at one time impeached but for some unearthly reason cannot be exorcised. Even though he’s been allowed the freedom of a quiet political afterlife, he continues to haunt us. Experts of the political paranormal believe that he continues to appear from time to time because he is working on a plot to plant his erstwhile spouse into the Oval Office and he is restless because he too wants to once more haunt the White mansion.

He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named is the most dangerous of wizards. In 2008 he cast a journalista-neutreomus spell on members of the news media turning them into a throng of backboneless, sycophantic followers whose collective legs tingled at the mere sound of his voice.  One who dismisses this wizard does so at one’s peril. He is a master of disguise and deception. At times he can appear as a likable fellow; one you may want to sit with to enjoy a juicy cheeseburger, fries and a beer; at other times, a snooty, elitist liberal Democrat. But don’t be fooled. He is so much more than what he appears. He is also easily riled and can snap. The warning sign occurs when he gets eerily quiet and displays a brooding countenance. He has even commanded his followers to punish his enemies. Delving into his past can lead you down many dark paths where you will encounter terrorists, Marxists, communists and other unsavory characters. His power is currently being challenged by a motley band of muggles waving yellow banners with a coiled snake and handmade placards with slogans about freedom, socialism, taxes, debt, and their future. Their appearance on the political landscape has confounded He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named and disrupted his plans to transform this country into the opposite of what it was intended to be. But he will not be deterred, for the Florida episode clearly shows that he thinks nothing of sacrificing those that would stand in his way including members of his own party and even devoted followers of Mr. Meek who have invested their money, their time, their hopes and their dreams to see this affable young politician ascend to Capitol Hill. He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named’s plan is much more important than the aspirations of one not-so meek fellow Democrat.

There is a spell of course, that can make much of what’s been bubbling up and spewing forth in Florida go away. Repeat after me: Marco Rubio. Marco Rubio. Marco Rubio

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